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I was in a convenience store recently, and a porn DVD had slipped outside of the privacy panel and caught my eye. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
Now I’ve been bothered by porn titles before. But this one was in an office building convenience store, not in a porn shop.
Submitted by A.P.
Semen is, at best, an acquired taste. While some people profess to enjoy the flavor of spunk, most report it to be saline, bitter, or acrid, likening it to salty bleach. Because the taste is a big obstacle to having their partner swallow, many men wonder what they can do to make their cum taste better.
You Cum What You Eat
Like sweat, saliva, urine, and all of your body’s other secretions and excretions, your ejaculate’s smell and flavor are affected by what you consume. (Likewise, you may notice when you eat out your female partner, her pussy juice flavor is affected by her diet) . What goes in, comes out, literally. Ever notice how when you eat a meal with a lot of onions and garlic, the smell seems to ooze out of your pores the next day? It’s in your semen as well, and although the specific taste or odor may be difficult to detect, it does have an influence on the overall taste.
While there’s no scientific evidence to back these tips up, there are anecdotal reports and common sense. Changing your diet and intake of other chemicals into your body will have an effect on your body’s output, including your semen. Most techniques or supplements to alter the flavor of semen aim to increase the amount of sugars in it, and sometimes mask the saltiness and other tastes with another flavor.
Sweet As Pie
It will come as a disappointment to all you party people, but the surest way to nicer tasting splooge is clean living. Cut back on your vices - alcohol, cigarettes, drugs (except maybe for Viagra), and junk food. Word is that vegetarians, both men and women, taste better, so you may want to steer clear of red meat, fish, and dairy. Indulge in lots of fresh fruits and veggies, and drink lots of juice and water.
Many people recommend eating pineapple or drinking pineapple juice to make you cum sweeter. Citrus fruits and cranberry juice are also recommended, possibly because they make the body’s pH more acidic, counteracting the alkalinity of semen that contributes to its “bleachy” quality. Any fruit or fruit juice high in sugar content, like apple, melon, mango, or grape, may increase the amount of sugars put out in your semen. Parsley, wheatgrass, and celery have been recommended for sweeter semen as well, perhaps because of the chlorophyll in them.
At the same time, you should also limit your intake of foods that break down into strong tasting or smelling chemicals that are excreted by the body, like asparagus. Onions and garlic contain high amounts of sulfur and are, well, oniony. And vegetables in the cabbage family, like Brussels sprouts, broccoli, cabbage, kale, and collards, can make your secretions taste bitter. Strongly spiced dishes, like curries, can also carry their flavors over into your cum. Of course, you don’t want to restrict what you eat too much. Everyone needs to have a balanced diet. But it’s something to keep in mind: if you’re planning on getting head after dinner, you might want to skip the asparagus appetizer.
Another factor to consider is the amount of time it takes for food and drink to cycle through your system. In most cases what you consume is excreted within 12 to 24 hours, but some things stay in the body longer. Whenever you start a new regimen, give it at least a few days to start working, and remember that you’ll probably have to stick to it to see marked effects.
A Magic Pill
There are a number of supplements now available that claim to improve the taste of semen or even alter it to specific flavors. Most contain concentrated fruit, sweetening agents, spices or flavorings, and sometimes vitamins or minerals. They may work for some people when used according to the directions, but don’t expect miracles.
One supplement promises to make your cum taste like pumpkin pie. Considering that it contains cinnamon, ginger, and nutmeg, that doesn’t seem all that farfetched. However, if a supplement claims to make your semen taste like vanilla or strawberry, you should be skeptical. Also beware of supplements that are sketchy about what their ingredients are. In most cases, these supplements are harmless, and may even have nutritional benefits, but they may not be worth the price if you can get the same results on your own.
Be Consistent
Besides flavor, another factor that affects the palatability of semen is its consistency. Stringy, chunky, or watery spunk can be unappetizing. The consistency of semen is related to the fluids, proteins, and amino acids in it, which can be affected by your overall health and what you eat. Drinking a lot of water is probably the best thing you can do to improve the texture of your semen; being dehydrated can make your spunk thicken or get stringy. Some people recommend eating egg whites or gelatin for increased volume of cum and better consistency, probably because of the protein they contain. Wheat germ and omega-3 oils have also been said to produce more and creamier cum.
Drink Up
Here’s a recipe for a drink that incorporates many popular cum-enhancing ingredients, as well as some used by cum-flavoring supplements. Though we can’t make guarantees, it might make your cum taste better, and it’s part of a balanced breakfast.
Super Spunk Smoothie
1 cup pineapple, fresh or canned
1 banana, frozen
1 cup apple juice
1/2 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
2 TBS honey
Optional ingredients: 1 raw egg white, 2 TBS wheat germ, 2 TBS flax seed, 1 shot wheatgrass juice
Blend all ingredients in a blender until smooth. Drink immediately. Repeat daily for best results.
-I came across Glenn Scheper’s page in April of 2002, and was immediately fascinated. I’m pretty sure this page doesn’t exist anymore, but I found it so interesting that I preserved it. The page was titled “Heroic Alterity” and describe autofellatio (self-sucking of one’s penis) as a core religious metaphor, complete with examples. Read on…
———————–
Heroic Alterity
Autofellatio is the core icon to decode all religious metaphor.
Although salient and simple, this icon remains obscure because:
1. Theologians lack an experience in this sacral erotic domain.
2. Few autofellators have reflected upon it and recognized god.
3. Cognizant experiencers are ostracized, mentally annihilated.
4. Expositors face taboos and produce only metaphysical poetry.
5. Religions are conflated from non-knowers’ defective eisegesis.
Destiny laid shame and fame upon me at age 24. Shortly after I discovered autofellatio, I suffered an acute psychosis, giving way to schizophrenia-punctuated manic depression for several years. To be able to write something, I must refrain from the bane of the insane, following my correlated ideas ad infinitum. I shall be content if I can bring to your attention a list of famous authors whose works can most readily be explained by metaphors on the icon of autofellatio.
I say treat its icon, its characteristic physical appearance, because its metaphors would be unrecognizable without knowing that the classic autofellatio discovery position is inverted, when body weight flexes one’s neck to yield a sudden advantage. Thus upside-down, Atlas after Atlas have bent and shouldered the earth. Herein Isaiah recognized the sky is his throne, the earth his footstool. If you do not recognize that, then you have not yet pictured the icon.
Exodus catches Moses in the act: “And the LORD said, Behold, there is a place by me, and thou shalt stand upon a rock: And it shall come to pass, while my glory passeth by, that I will put thee in a clift of the rock, and will cover thee with my hand while I pass by: And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen.” The rock is Moses’ skull; the glory, Moses’ phallus, which is also Moses’ standing aspect.
This is also the famous Excalibur, sword locked in stone. One of Austin Osman Spare’s many self-love treatises, The Focus of Life says “My kiss is a sword thrust!” Jimi Hendrix kissed the sky. King Pepi also, in Pyramid Texts, kissed the sky like a falcon. Brann vaunts the same kiss in The Iconoclast: “drain the nectareous dewdrop from its chalice and kiss the grape until its youthful sap changes to empurpled blood beneath the passionate caress.”
Shakespeare’s Hamlet speaks of “god kissing carrion”, and shows many other relevant themes: of psychic disintegration, of one’s own mystical death and resurrection, and the Oedipal themes of maternal rape and of patricide: Because either through some phenomenal mystery, or perhaps by some semiotic values reversal causing an hysteresis, a quantum separation encoded at the boundary of the taboo domain, many experiencers plunging into wonderland discover a new authenticity, as monogenes, Socrates’ self-moving, realizing they have become their own father. Even Jesus said, “He that hath seen me hath seen the father.”
I watch Hamlet; I see me. On the morning of my acute psychosis, I came from my bedroom and told my father that I believed I had to kill him. I grabbed my mothers wrists and stood immobilized, shaking from confliction due to an unspeakable impulse, a magical mandate to rape my mother. Shakespeare unfolded the multiple demons residing reflexively in the interconnected Hamlet as his lover, her father, his friend, and others, all to slay, to slay, for Hamlet’s world has ended, Hamlet having died of the impossibility of being his own father, now only a ghost. The young Hamlet’s biological father was cast as Hamlet’s uncle.
That recalls Seth, the Egyptian uncle of Horus, who was slain by Horus to avenge the death of Horus’ true spiritual father, Osiris, which would be Horus himself. That Seth had cast filth into the eye (opthalmos, a hole, I say the mouth) of Horus suggests to me covert mystical infanticide caused by filial fellatio, the tares that will be discovered when the field’s true owner sows wheat. So too, Abraham put his knife unto Isaac’s throat, and recreated Isaac as his lamb, a narcissistic personality disordered youth, Jung’s Puer Aeternus, compliant, symbiotically completing his father. Franz Kafka also blamed his father for instilling impotence. Perhaps it is implied homosexuality which informs the fall, which is the basis of Kafka’s Metamorphosis.
Kafka sang our divine song. His Josephine, The Singer tells of ancient songs, but no one can sing them any more. It asks if Josephine’s art is really even singing? Why, of course! Our art is both singing and playing upon a silver-strung harp, that lyre, zephyr, flute, pipe, what have you, known to every bard who’s reached at least his light-bearing developmental phase.
Returning to the icon, the male genitals above with the sky behind them are frequently described as a bird. Such is the dove alighting on Jesus. Uncommon ejaculation is the probable literal meaning for holy spirit. For females, the genitals appear rather as animal skins, and in the form of a tent in the divine stance, which is the Shekinah, a tent, the female aspect of God, such as covered Mary when she enunciated her finished syzygous being.
Auto-oral erotic contact is both the baptism and a confession. It is the theogony (creating God), theophagy (eating God), and theurgy (act of God). It initiates the individual’s parousia (presence of God) by conferring the holy spirit. It is the word that was with God, being God, even His name. Note the advantage that monogenesis spawns no mimetic rivalry: Every soul requires exactly one self as its reward.
Many authors show conflicting usage of terms body, soul, and spirit. I propose that the material body (including its mind) starts with no soul, technically, for a soul is the combination of a spirit and a body. Infestation of various types of spirits in a body produces various soul types. The most common would be the default due to suckling from a mother. I may be hijacking Jung’s terms, animus and anima, but let me propose they are the male and female spirits conferred from penis or paps, respectively. My experience suggests that the most desirable animus, the male aspect of soul, is oneself-as-father-of-oneself, which can be instilled by auto-oral-genital contact in either a man or a woman; and that the most desirable anima, the female aspect of soul, is oneself-as-mother-of-oneself, and that can be instilled by auto-oral-mammary contact in either a man or a woman.
Hence, most bards fit the mythic form of a master builder, whose church, which is oneself, lapses to the devil, which is also oneself, for failing to learn and say that devil’s name, by self suckling at his vestigial male paps so that he can fall to earth. Such an androgynous Puck or Lucifer is the woman in Revelation 12.
The completed pair makes the divine syzygy, an anima as bride of Christ in a man already having animus, or an animus as prince to awaken sleeping beauty by her frog kiss, naming Rumple-Stilt-Skin at the site of Dracula’s piercing. Such was Jesus’ finished condition at the marriage of the ‘prominent’ man, who was Jesus wedding himself, when he made wine by placing his phallic finger in his mouth, twelvefold jug.
Additional monadic acts build up a panoply of divinities. Buddha, an incarnation of Vishnu, is born of a lotus arising from Vishnu’s navel, which story highlights a first ejaculation as a navel-irrigating nocturnal emission. Self-sodomy, entrainment of objects in the ouroboros (tail-biting serpent), and coming on the forehead, draining past Ymir’s eyebrows to gain access to the well of foreknowledge, are all special. Even as I write this, I happened to realize that forehead act satisfies the image of tongues of flame at Pentecost.
With most of its referents solved (I’ve given you a big start), a structuralist theology could be developed. I would say all else that’s left are some anecdotes of miracles, and possible eschatological promises, which appear to be exoteric misunderstandings of parousia, the individual’s potential mid-life metamorphosis.
The only phenomenal effect I would attest is that lengthy tantric meditations to bodily re-experience a past moment irrupt into that already past moment in a very self-surprising fashion. Perhaps similarly, countless persons seeking to understand Jesus influenced him, granting future knowledge and teleological purpose.
Because I might err in my exact metaphor assignments, I recommend that you beat the following authors together, who recognize one another’s voice, and generally hold to similar metaphorical understandings:
Arjuna, Baudelaire, Blake, Brann, Bunyan, Carroll, Coleridge, Crowley, Dali, Dylan, Ficino, Goethe, Hendrix, Heraclitis, Hesiod, Holderlin, Jesus, St. John, Kafka, Lao Tsu, Milton, Nietzsche, Poe, Prince, Shakespeare, Socrates, Spare, Spenser, Stevens, Vaughn, Whitman, Wordsworth, Yeats, Zoroaster, and females Behn, Dickinson.
My intent in this disclosure is that you might know this taboo domain is so pervasive. As Baudelaire closed My Earlier Life: “My only care to bring to meaning from anguish The sad secret in which I languish.”
2001-06-04
Write Glenn by assembling: glenn_scheper + at + earthlink.net
http://home.earthlink.net/~glenn_scheper/heroic.htm
Until now, most sex toys have been mostly one-sided. Holes for men and shafts for women, with the occasional double-dildo or the clit-stimulator add-on. Now these are all fine and good, but recently, some wonderful innovators have come up with a truly shared sex toy experience. What I’m talking about is the Feeldoe. The Feeldoe doesn’t seem like it’s being marketed by any of the big major sex toy outlets. It seems like it’s being marketed by its inventors and sole manufacturers. One the one hand, I applaud them for this DIY style of marketing effort, but on the other, I’m a bit sad, because I can’t make any money by recommending it to you.
The Feeldoe is basically a similar concept to a strap-on, in that it allows those without penises to perform penetrating sexual acts. The big difference, however, is that with a traditional strap-on, the wearer rarely gets anything out of it in terms of actual physical stimulation. The Feeldoe, rather than attaching to a set of straps, has a unique hook-and-ball end that is actually inserted into the wearer’s vagina (or anus) and that’s how it’s held in place. This way, every thrust she (or he) performs with the penetrating end equates with equal stimulation in her (or his) orifice. It’s like a two-way strap-on, minus the awkward positioning which is often involved when a traditional double-dildo is used.
The Feeldoe comes in three sizes — slim, classic and stout. And with or without vibration. And, as the purveyors and testimonials point out, these things are not just for lesbians. Straight women can penetrate their men, men who have trouble keeping erections can use it on their partners as well.
Oh, and fellas, this is 2007. It’s okay to say you like the sensation of something in your ass. It doesn’t mean you’re gay. Back in ‘99, Salon.com documented the reality of women using strap-ons on their men in Strap-On Epiphany.
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